All For Metal: Legends

I am, without a doubt, the target market for All For Metal. Every last note of this project's debut album Legends is a cash grab amalgam of European warrior/festival culture and mid-paced stomping epic/power metal not at all unlike Manowar's output from the mid 90's onward. It is so very, very, VERY contrived and was clearly assembled by studio execs at AFM records to appeal to the lowest common denominator of fans of the things in life I hold most dear. As someone who loves this kind of stuff when it's done well and with some degree of authenticity, All For Metal immediately made me grit my teeth and roll my eyes. After a few listens, I can mostly confirm that my worries were all justified. While I may be the target market, most of Legends is so cynical and cringey that it insults my intelligence.

All For Metal, complete with a band name that would barely be acceptable on a free compilation cd in a Bulgarian hard rock magazine, is pure genericism distilled into a syrupy sweet but still bitter liquor. The band themselves appear to basically be two vocalists from separate acts, and a bunch of largely nameless and faceless musicians behind them. One singer has the clean and melodic voice, and while not terrible he certainly doesn't stand out much in a genre that has a sea of fantastic vocalists at the ready. The other singer is, from what I can tell from press photos, a 7 foot tall beefcake barbarian with the deepest voice this side of the late Peter Steele. The two singers trade vocal lines on most tracks, and the contrast is jarring and hilarious. Muscles Mcgee's performance is especially funny, with his accent lending some of his lines a bit of Arnold flair and panache. The songs are all 3-4 minute stompers with more than just a passing resemblance to the previously mentioned Manowar with little bits of modern melodic power metal like Sabaton or even Turisas in the form of super melodic and catchy choruses. Not much to speak of in terms of individual instrumental performances; the music here is merely a means of delivery for the overall schtick of the band.

All this said, I'm a complete and utter sucker for this kind of cheesy pandering. I love a well crafted chorus, I tend to be pretty forgiving and even indulge in bands that very clearly don't take themselves seriously, and I love to drink. Alcohol and stupid, caveman metal like this (like most things) is made significantly better after a few (or 6) beers, and I could absolutely see my inner turbodork throwing the horns to a few of the tracks on here with a few similarly minded (IE wasted) metalheads. That's a very low bar to cross, and I'm not about to down the required amount of whiskey it would take to score this display of avarice highly. It's a weeknight and my liver would never forgive me.

Tracklist:
1. All for Metal
2. Goddess of War
3. Born in Valhalla
4. Raise Your Hammer
5. Hear the Drum
6. Run
7. Prophecy of Hope
8. Mountain of Power
9. Fury of the Gods
10. The Day of Hammerfall
11. Legends Never Die

Added: December 8th 2023
Reviewer: Brandon Miles
Score:
Related Link: Band Website
Hits: 711
Language: english

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